I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
