I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
