I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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