Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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