If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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