ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize