We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
