He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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