it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
