did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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