Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
