I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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