apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
