My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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