I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
