so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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