I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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