i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
