I'd wear matching sweaters with you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
