I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
