I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
