There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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