The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
