The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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