Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
