The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
