I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
