feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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