He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize