sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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