I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
