ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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