I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
