he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize