But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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