Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
