Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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