Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
