Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
