so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
