So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
