i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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