I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
