you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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