if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
