i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
