so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
honey bunches of taint.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
