Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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