i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
