return my video game
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
