i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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