His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
