k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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