life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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