why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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