I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
