The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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