How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
