so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
