I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
