How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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