he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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