Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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