I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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