so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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