At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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