i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
