it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
