I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
