forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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