Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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