I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
