life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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