I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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