Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
