whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
