he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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