I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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