I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
