I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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