If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
